black…MYstory

I usually don’t go too heavily into the celeb stuff.  We get “news” like this all the time.  Typically, most of what they do has very little relevance in the lives of everyday people.

However, the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna fisaco did bother me. As someone whose seen women in his own family go through abusive relationships, I saw that such relationships are of absolutely no good.

I didn’t speak on this because, I thought, Rihanna seemed to have enough sense to break away from Chris Brown before it got worse.  Today, I believe I was wrong.

It seems that they are a couple again.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  I saw the women in my own family let abusive men back in, too.  The men were so contrite, apologetic and loving after these beatings. The swore it wouldn’t happen again and admitted they needed help.  Then, in no time at all, there would be another argument and another beating, just as bad, if not worse, would happen.  I’ve seen the women in my family with cuts and bruises.  I’ve seen the sunglasses being worn to work to cover black eyes.  I’ve seen the so-called me calling or showing up at a place of work to publicly humiliate or intimidate the women. I’ve seen cases as severe as my own recently-deceased aunt who, over 20 years ago, was found after having being beaten and thrown through a glass table by her boyfriend.  She was in a coma and, after awakening, could barely walk so that, in her 40’s, should could do no more that shuffle along. However, even this was not enough to convince her and, out of “love” she refused to press charges.

I guess this situation bothers me not because Rihanna is a celebrity.  It bothers me for at least two other reasons:

1. because she is a young woman with her whole life ahead of her and doesn’t see what a volatile situation she may be a part of and
2. young women in similar situations may look to her example and not break with abusive mates, either.

Sadly, this isn’t a story of celebrity. This is something that is all too common and, I’m afraid, all too acceptable.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Before anyone gets on me about blaming Oprah or bashing a “leading black”, hear me out.

Recently, it was reported that allegations of physical and sexual abuse of girls at the hands of a matron (dorm parent) working at the all-girl Leadership Academy she opened in South Africa had surfaced.

According to South African police, the woman in question is accused of choking and beating some students and is also accused of fondling at least one girl there. The matron has been suspended. Another matron and the school’s principal, Dr. Mzimane, had already been placed on leave prior to the alleged fondling incident.

For her part, Oprah has issued tearful apologies to students and their families but, as far as I know, has not made any public statements about this issue in the U.S.

However, could it be that Oprah, unintentionally, created an environment where such abuse could thrive? One Chicago Sun-Times columnist thinks so and I am inclined to agree. The rules of the school state that parents are only allowed to visit their children once a month. Also, children are only allowed to use their cell phones and email on the weekends.

In this country, we know that abuse also goes on in schools but, knowing that a parent could show up at any time, that a kid could call a parent at any time or that, at day’s end, a parent could know what happened, would not embolden many to say the wrong thing to a student, much less put their hands on a child. By keeping these children, as the columnist put it, as “virtual prisoners”, they were left at the mercy of an abuser.

Also, let’s be real, this was supposed to be a dream come true for poor parents to offer their daughters an education that they might not have otherwise received. So, for the sakes of their children, they went along with the rules. But, from what I understand, many parents complained of this arrangement. It now appears that these complaints went unheeded, to the detriment of some students there and to the detriment of the school’s and Oprah’s reputations.

I believe that her school was and still is a wonderful idea. But, perhaps Oprah should actually listen to parents and learn the lessons that the abuse in her own past should have taught her — kids need to be able to talk to their parents about anything. In order to do so, they actually need to be given the actual ability to do just that. It is in silence and secret that abuses like these are allowed to flourish.

Popularity: 29% [?]